Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Things You Don't Know About Me

Suggested by Deborah Ager over at 32 Poems Poetry Magazine, here's a list of things (ten things, in fact) you don't know about me:

10. When I was 16 years old I insulted the Queen of Sweden while at a hotel lobby in Stockholm. That's a big deal for me, since my mom is (was) 100% Swedish. So I was this lanky kid trying, likely, to impress the fellow group of travelers, picked up a postcard of a woman in traditional Swedish dress, and said aloud, "Would you send this postcard home to your mother?" When the tour guide elbowed me hard in the ribs, the front desk clerks---all northern, beautiful---scowled at me, and I turned the card over to see the queen's name, I felt kind of sort of bad. So I bought the postcard and sent it to my mom, back in Florida. Then I went upstairs to my room, hurled myself from the bed to the floor, and shattered the overly large white globe lamp hanging from the ceiling. Though I'm of Swedish descent, I have to say nippy Norway treated me better (see No. 4, below).

9. A mere two years later, at age 18, I spent the night in jail at the Marion County Sheriff's Detention Center in Ocala, Florida for a second-degree felony charge of "missiles." So now I know what happens when you insult Scandinavian royalty! My record, mind you, was expunged, and the whole thing was just a silly, silly mis-adventure.

8. My first car was a 1966 Ford Mustang. Man, I loved that car, despite the fact that it was the straight 6 2oo ci engine instead of the kick-ass 289 V8, and despite the fact that it was Saharah beige with vinyl top, bench front seat, and no AC. Ah, those fingernail-in-the-steering wheel night drives to Daytona Beach....

7. I secretly want to act on stage, in a classical production. I've never acted in a play or the like in my life.

6. I have at one time or another played these instruments: drums, viola, guitar, bass. Unfortunately, I never stuck with any of them and so today can only hold a tune when whistling, and even then it's a stretch.

5. We have two daughters. If we would have had a son, his name probably would have been Wilder, after a great great great Swedish grandfather. I think that is such a cool name, but surely sets the kid up for trouble, no?

4. I once swam in 42-degree F water, in a lake in Norway, when I was 16. Why? To impress an absolutely flawless 16-year-old Norwegien girl who I'm certain thought American boys were really quite foolish because, in fact, they are. Wow, I still can picture her face, and still feel the cold depths of my blue, blue skin.

3. To this day I remain a closet KISS fan, having bought the original KISS albums off my brother when I lived in Lexington, Kentucky and was something like 10 years old. I saw KISS back in 1999 or 2000, on their second or third farewell tour, full costume and regalia, at Denver's Pepsi Center. Man, to be able to drink Fat Tire and see KISS, why that was awesome! Some favorite KISS songs, you ask? "Cold Gin," "Detroit Rock City," and "Flaming Youth." I love it out loud, baby!

2. I am an officially trained Bradley Method Childbirth Coach, and have the wallet card to prove it. My wife Billie gave natural birth twice for our daughters, and I coached her through both times, doing more "coaching" the second time as our youngest was born in Tucson, where natural childbirth is not nearly as common as it is in Boulder, where our first was born. Of course, the first daughter was seven-and-a-half pounds, and our second was nine pounds, ten ounces. Did I mention that Billie is my hero?

1. I swallowed a penny as an infant, and my mother holding me upside down to shake it out is the only memory I have up to age five. It must have been traumatic for both of us!

Hopefully these things don't scare the three blog readers I have off...!

Simmons

No comments: