Thursday, February 16, 2006

20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

Normally I don't spread this guffaw stuff around, but due to the late hour or the stretches of overwork lately, this one really made me laugh---especially No. 13 for our crowd---so I thought I'd share it here:

20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask, "Do you want fries with that?"

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For smuggling diamonds."

7. Finish all your sentences with, "... in accordance with the Prophecy."

8. dont use any punctuation

9. As often as possbile, skip rather than walk.

10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specific that your drive-through order is "to go."

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry reading and asky why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wresting name, Rock Bottom.

17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream: "I won! I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling: "Run for your lives, they're loose!!" (Especially effective while running toward a busload of school children.)

19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity... Share this list with someone to bring on a smile.


terry said...

The list has been read and shared!

Thanks for the morning laugh, really needed today. I'm going to start working on these today!

The Green Skeptic said...

I laughed out loud. And then smiled. Thanks for sharing.